Is it discrimination if someone doesn’t want to date a person that doesn’t know what gender they are?
According to a recent story in Vice Magazine, it may be.
In it, the author, Meredith Talusan, who is gender nonconforming, lamented that he gender nonconforming friends, Jacob Tobia and Alok Vaid, who have facial hair but wear women’s clothes and makeup, cannot find dates.
Alok and Jacob are two of the most publicly visible gender nonconforming femmes I know. As a performance poet, Alok has just gone solo after touring in dozens of cities in the US and abroad as one half of the poetry duo Darkmatter. Jacob was named to 2016’s OUT 100, has made a web series for NBC, and been the subject of a GLAAD-nominated episode of MTV’s True Life. Both are trans-identified, but belong somewhere in between genders, and they’ve amassed huge social media followings as gender nonbinary, femme, and fabulous human beings. They’ve become celebrities in their own right, with Jacob regularly walking down the red carpet at LGBTQ galas and Alok featuring in the Janet Mock–narrated HBO documentary The Trans List.
But if you think all that would land them a date, you’d be wrong. And nobody is more puzzled than me as to why such obvious catches are having dating problems when so many clamor for their attention.
— Jacob Tobia (@JacobTobia) June 10, 2017
Tobia and Viad are attracted to men but say they are not gay.
Thus they cannot get gay men, straight men, gay women or straight women to date them.
Another transgender activist, Shady Shay, called a man a bigot on Twitter because he said he won’t date transgender women.
Why anyone is surprised that people don’t want to take on the mental issues of someone that doesn’t know what gender they are is anyone’s guess.
And instead of looking in the mirror and deciding that perhaps they need to address their own issues, it’s easier to blame others for being prejudiced.
But there wasn’t a ton of sympathy on social media for them.
In truth, gender nonconformity speaks of an identity crises. No one wants to get involved w/that much baggage. Not an issue of transphobia.
— Annie Rosewood (@annie_rosewood) June 22, 2017
There are a number of issues people with mental illness have to deal with throughout their lives. People wanting to have sex with them is 1
— Jonathan Craig 🇨🇦 (@MK_ULTRAH) June 22, 2017
Because those looking to get laid are typically looking for a specific known gender to hook up with. It not society’s fault, its biology
— flabbergasted (@observeaddict) June 22, 2017
If you’re puzzled why they won’t get dates, you should get back to school. Understanding of basic biology seems to be missing here.
— DarkShadow 🇩🇪 🐸👌 (@DarkShadow84_) June 22, 2017
I’m married, overweight, and middle aged. Why won’t college girls have sex with me? I demand an answer too!
— Michael Donelan (@michael_donelan) June 22, 2017
no one likes crazy people?
— Snarky Duck (@Sqeakyduck) June 22, 2017
If they’re half as tiresome as this article, I’m not surprised. And for what it’s worth, I know some great cis people who can’t get laid.
— Nona Yabiz (@flarabella) June 23, 2017
What the fuck does this even mean? You have gone full retard. This stupid shit is the reason trump won.
— Shaun King jr. (@Dylann_Floor) June 22, 2017
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