ABC News loses 300+ pounds of ugly fat, what’s their secret?

ABC News has confirmed that it has suspended its relationship with political commentator Chris Christie as the former New Jersey governor prepares to enter a 2024 Republican primary field that is swelling faster than his waistline.

The great hope of the establishment press and Geraldo Rivera heartthrob is expected to officially declare his candidacy in the coming days, an early Christmas gift for those who have been mooning for tough-talking Christie to go mana a mano with former President Donald J. Trump.

“In light of Chris Christie’s pending campaign announcement, ABC News is suspending the relationship with him as contributor,” an ABC News spokesperson said in a statement to The Hill.

Get ready for a bull market in fat jokes, especially coming from Team Trump.


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