We don’t know what prompted writer Joanna Schroeder to pen a 14-part, 21-point rant about marriage between a man and a woman on Twitter or why she wants “people not to assume monogamy is the only way to do marriage,” given that she’s been married to “an amazing husband” for 18 years, but write it, she did.
And you can trust and believe, Twitter had some thoughts about it.
“Women married to men LOVE to complain about husbands, but few admit that being married doesn’t live up to the hype that our society places upon it,” Schroeder began. “We are drowned [in] wedding culture & expectations for women to be married all while utterly unprepared for what marriage actually is.”
Women married to men LOVE to complain about husbands, but few admit that being married doesn't live up to the hype that our society places upon it.
We are drowned wedding culture & expectations for women to be married all while utterly unprepared for what marriage actually is.
— joanna schroeder (@iproposethis) October 14, 2022
She then launches into 21 reasons that marriage for straight women is a bad thing.
We won’t print all her points (you can read the full thread on Twitter), but here are some of the highlights, starting with her assertion that “You will not be in love with your husband for your entire life.”
“You will desire other people at some point in your marriage,” she states.
And even if you have a job, you’ll actually be asked to take care of your family.
The inhumanity of it all.
The reality of marriage is this:
1. You will not be in love with your husband for your entire life. Maybe 1% of people get that.
2. You will desire other people at some point in your marriage.
3. You will be asked to take on the bulk of your family & home care even if working.— joanna schroeder (@iproposethis) October 14, 2022
By her ninth point, one gets the feeling she’s trying to tell her hubby something… and by Number 10, you start to feel sorry for her kids.
“You will be seen (by society, your partner or both) as betraying your spouse for admitting that marriage & family don’t fully fulfill you,” she writes. “Society will shame you for needing space and a separate identity from your family (or shame/blame you for not wanting kids at all).”
9. You will be seen (by society, your partner or both) as betraying your spouse for admitting that marriage & family don’t fully fulfill you.
10. Society will shame you for needing space and a separate identity from your family (or shame/blame you for not wanting kids at all).— joanna schroeder (@iproposethis) October 14, 2022
For Schroeder, marriage means getting drunk with a bunch of “miserable wives” and being forced to have sex with a man she clearly wants nothing to do with.
11. You’ll be surrounded by fellow miserable wives who self-medicate with affairs, boozey weekends away & “wine mom” culture.
12. You will have little to no bodily autonomy and be told repeatedly that if you don’t have sex w/your husband he’ll find it elsewhere.— joanna schroeder (@iproposethis) October 14, 2022
Here’s more, suggesting that you may be happy “sometimes.” Or not.
14. You will be happy sometimes.
15. You will love your husband almost always, even when you’re not in love with him.
16. You will be grateful to have a partner in life.
17. You will grow and change
18. You will stay together as long as that growth & change is parallel.— joanna schroeder (@iproposethis) October 14, 2022
By her final point, it’s pretty clear to many that she’s banged someone other than her husband and is trying desperately to assuage her guilt and justify her choices in life. While there’s no way for readers to know this for certain, it’s a challenge to read her thread (confession?) any other way.
21. Most (ok, some) of this could be perfectly normal, healthy and natural – and we could accept it just fine and live/work through it … except NOBODY TELLS US.
And so, if we are ever deeply unhappy, we suffer, self-medicate, lock down our emotions/bodies, or cheat.
— joanna schroeder (@iproposethis) October 14, 2022
“It’d be so much better if we could simply start saying that not all marriages are forever, and not all marriages need to look the same. If we encouraged people not to assume monogamy is the only way to do marriage & to have the option of keeping finances separate,” she argues.
“I have an amazing husband and incredible kids and have been pretty happy for these 18 years – but I’m ready to call utter & complete bulls**t on toxic marriage culture and the way we expect wives to disappear into their families without any sort of psychological toll,” she writes. “People are pretty smart and resilient – if we were just honest about all of these potential long-term relationship issues, we’d probably still get married and have kids. But we wouldn’t expect women to trudge through our roles as wives/moms without support.”
People are pretty smart and resilient – if we were just honest about all of these potential long-term relationship issues, we'd probably still get married and have kids.
But we wouldn't expect women to trudge through our roles as wives/moms without support.
— joanna schroeder (@iproposethis) October 14, 2022
What Schroeder was expecting in response to her utterly depressing view of marriage is anyone’s guess, but what she got was sympathy… for her husband.
Joanna’s husband seeing this thread https://t.co/ikFM4JF0Wx pic.twitter.com/ddGtWtCNGZ
— Matt’s Idea Shop (@MattsIdeaShop) October 16, 2022
Others saw her disillusionment as a symptom of her own self-absorption.
Exactly this. Boomers and Gen X have baggage, but Millennials and Gen Z in particular were brought up indulged and self-indulgent, and to scoff at virtue. Then they’re shocked that their relationships go off the rails.
— Moley Russell’s Wart 🦬 (@_BuckMelanoma_) October 16, 2022
“We’re raising a bunch of malcontents—man-hating shrews, really,” remarked one Twitter user. “Enjoy your ‘careers’ & your cats.”
Holy shit, the miserable content & responses to this post.
I guess I hit the jackpot, as it doesn’t remotely represent my feelings/reality toward my marriage whatsoever.
We’re raising a bunch of malcontents—man-hating shrews, really. Enjoy your “careers” & your cats. https://t.co/QL9oKUdDGj
— oldhouselover (@oldhouselover1) October 16, 2022
And according to another user, the thread should serve as a red flag for every reader.
“This is [a] sad, unfulfilled, broken woman,” the user wrote. “This is the type of woman that always wants more, is never content, and will never experience a fulfilled, happy life.”
“Steer clear of women like this,” he cautions. “They’re self-righteous, and offer nothing of value.”
This is sad, unfulfilled, broken woman. This is the type of woman that always wants more, is never content, and will never experience a fulfilled, happy life. Steer clear of women like this. They’re self righteous, and offer nothing of value.
— ıllıllı OEF VET ıllıllı (@OEFvetted) October 16, 2022
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Melissa Fine is the former executive editor of Casino Player, Strictly Slots, and Poker
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