Planned Parenthood desecrates ‘Twelve Days of Christmas’ with new lyrics

Planned Parenthood has no problems commercializing Christmas.

In a too-cute-by-half rendition of “Twelve Days of Christmas,” the nation’s largest abortion provider launched a 5-minute advertisement for its various products couched as one of the gifts a “true love” could give.

birthcontrolpills1224They’re all what you’d expect from Planned Parenthood. Instead of the stuffy turtle doves, swans-a-swimming and so forth, the Planned Parenthood  folks have much more charming gift ideas, like dental dams – ultra-thin latex sheets used to prevent infection transmission during the performance of oral sex – and Depo Provera shots, inoculations to a woman’s buttocks to chemically interfere with a woman’s fertility.

If that doesn’t get you in the spirit of the season, the partridge in the pear tree of Planned Parenthood’s version is “a brand new box of Plan B.” The drug deserves pride of place because it’s been the left’s most beloved form of birth control since it came on the market in 1999.

The song is a charmer, really, especially the “five NuvaRings” that celebrate the vaginally inserted device that prevents a woman’s ovaries from releasing mature eggs for fertilization.

The real beauty of it is the dental dams (Day Seven’s offering.) The sheets have nothing to do with either planning pregnancy (the organization’s cover story), or producing abortions (the group’s real raison d’etre), so at first they seem out of place.

But then, the song is just a shopping list of Planned Parenthood products, from the Depo Provera shots (Day Four), to the female condoms (Day Eight), the Plan B partridge in a pear tree and those handy dental dams. (See your local affiliate for pricing information.)

The whole “Twelve Days of Christmas (Contraceptive Version)” is really just an extended sales pitch for everything PP sells but the one procedure it could not do without.

None of them make as much as abortions, of course, but not even Planned Parenthood would try to pass that off in a “true love” song.

You can get the whole song here:

plannedparen1224

 

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Joe Saunders

Joe Saunders, a 25-year newspaper veteran, is a staff writer and editor for BizPac Review who lives in Tallahassee and covers capital and Florida politics. Email Joe at jpjsaunders@gmail.com.
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About Joe Saunders

Joe Saunders, a 25-year newspaper veteran, is a staff writer and editor for BizPac Review who lives in Tallahassee and covers capital and Florida politics. Email Joe at jpjsaunders@gmail.com.

  • Mamatex

    Disgraceful!

  • lovinspoonful

    Stupid, immature and childish. This is how you repay the people paying you to stay in business through taxes? Ungrateful fools.

    • JJNYC

      Don’t forget all that blood money…

  • P00dy

    One Smarmy Commercial, Two sex-changed lovers, third month trimester abortion, fornication without a baby, five minute rule, six teen and older, seven eleven sells condoms, eight th grade learns how?, ninth grade tries it out, tenth graders are parents, eleventh grade home with a baby, 12th grade lost forever. You like MY SONG?

  • Opinionated_Vogon

    Planned Parrenthood is not the only one who can

    desecrate a song.

    Here’s mine!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xx_1ySxnUg

    A Day In the Life (under ObamaCare)

    May George, Paul, John, and Ringo forgive me!

    Cheers,

    O.V.

  • JJNYC

    Arrested Development at its best.