News/Commentary

Gutfeld reveals he has a ‘favorite Democrat’ who ‘finally addresses something real’

July 9, 2022 | | Print Article

(Video Credit: Fox News)

Greg Gutfeld actually has a favorite Democrat, surprisingly professing his love and admiration for Democratic New Jersey Senator Cory Booker who candidly spoke concerning a topic that many Americans struggle with… obesity.

With humor, wit, and vigor, Gutfeld proceeded to explain his fondness for the Democrat on Friday and to assert that he had not gone completely mad in the process.

“Now, it’s not often I say this, but a politician did something I totally, absolutely love. And no, it doesn’t involve suicide. You sick, horrible people. But it does involve a Democrat. I know what’s wrong with me. I mean, besides the obvious stuff, but do I have a head injury? But If I had a dollar every time my mom asked me that as a baby, after she’d push me off the bassinet,” he kidded in the opening of the segment.

“I mean, but last night, I complimented Hillary Clinton. Man, did I get a ton of hate mail for that. Most of it from Bill. But now I’m about to compliment Cory Booker. No, stop, stop. I know it sounds like I’m losing my mind. But you remember Cory. I mean, he’s the guy who says all this crazy stuff,” Gutfeld commented and then proceeded to play classic goofy Booker quotes including “I am Spartacus.”

And while just about everyone, especially Gutfeld, finds the drama that is Cory Booker to be laughable, he did give him credit for addressing the scourge of sugar and obesity plaguing the nation.

“He could so be a Peloton instructor. It’s true. He can be a tad melodramatic. It’s like he’s auditioning for a starring role in a high school version of The Music Man. But he’s not dumb. I mean, compared to The Squad, the dude’s Einstein. That’s because, unlike them, his head is only three-quarters of the way up his butt. So he’s getting some oxygen. But I like him for what he said on Monday,” the Fox News host quipped.

“So here’s a confession. I have been running now for almost seven months straight, but my weight has been going up and down because you can’t outrun a bag of Oreos. You can’t outrun a late-night pint of vegan ice cream. And so I am challenging myself and I want to challenge you too if you want to join me on this experiment. Life is too short not to try new things. From July 4th to Labor Day, I’m giving up sugar, all added sugar in drinks and foods,” Booker vowed.

“You can’t outrun vegan ice cream. Oh, man. I think we found our next Thomas Jefferson. But finally, a Democrat who actually addresses something real. Not some —- virtue signaling,” Gutfeld remarked, although many would consider this a form of virtue signaling in itself.

“He’s talking about sugar, which leads to obesity, which leads to death or worse, 80-year-old women in bikinis. Who would sneak that photo into my monologue? Sexist, Kat,” he joked while showing a sagging Pelosi at the beach. That’s an image that stays with you.

He went on to laud the Democrat’s conviction concerning cutting sugar out of his diet.

“But finally, a Democrat not spouting some woke crap. We’re talking about sugar, the bane of our existence, or should I say the cane of our existence? I know. That’s why I’m seated here. And by our, I mean fleshy yo-yos like me. Up and down, up and down. That’s not just my pecs when I flex, but also my weight and it’s all because it’s sugar. I love sugar so much that I hate sugar,” Gutfeld asserted.

“I feel the same way about The Bachelor, but The Bachelor doesn’t make my midsection grow like our national debt. A little political humor there, very little, I probably should have just edited it out,” he snarked.

“So Booker bringing it up makes him my favorite Democrat, which I know is like saying my favorite proctologist, who is Gary. I go once a month. He has great hands. But Booker’s challenge is practical and positive. It’s also free,” Gutfeld continued.

“Maybe this is only what politicians should do since they suck at everything else. They have no idea how to reduce inflation or crime. So why not try our love handles? And he’s got a point. America uses tax dollars to make sugar cheap. Then we ended up with super-sized people with super-sized health problems. And you know who I’m talking about? Me. But also, we’ve all been to Walmart and seen a five-fat scooter pile up in the candy aisle or two. I’m with them,” the conservative pundit joked.

“Yeah. You’ve been in Costco, and there’s two, 400 pound plus people beating the crap out of each other over the last pack of family size Twizzlers. Their ass cracks exposed, which is also a great place to park that scooter. Just put it up, go shopping. And think about COVID, who got really sick? It was the old, but it was also the obese and that’s because obesity is a co-morbidity for everything,” Gutfeld pointed out.

Speaking of co-morbidity, he should have noted that Booker is getting his exercise in more ways than one these days.

The Fox News host went on to point out the fact that many kids are alarmingly overweight.

“There are no advantages except when it’s cold outside or possibly during a tug of war. Have you walked around your town when school gets out? It’s no joke. Kids are huge. And in a bad way, they’re like giant inflatable versions of kids. It’s so bad the school bus drivers have to make sure there are equal numbers of kids sitting on either side of the aisle. Or the bus could roll over while turning. It’s so bad some kids now get to school by rolling,” he commented.

“This is not fat-shaming, Tyrus. This is fat saving. I am saying it to them and I’m saying it to myself. I put on over 15 pounds in the last two months and I blame sugar. I went from a solid ten to maybe a 9.3. Thanks to Famous Amos, that’s my pot dealer, but I digress. I work out every day, then I cancel it out by sucking down cookies because they’re sitting right there in front of me on the dashboard of the treadmill. So I’m not criticizing you for being overweight,” Gutfeld told his friend and colleague.

“I’m really criticizing me, which I desperately need because being the host of two hit TV shows and an international sex symbol, I can’t lose this girlish figure. So I not only credit Booker for doing something proactive, I’m also going to take the challenge,” he declared.

“So from now on to Labor Day, I’m going without added or processed sugar. Now I’m not including wine, of course, since it is a fruit. And I’m going to sweeten the pot, pun intended. If I end up heavier on Labor Day than I am now, I will do one entire show shirtless man boobs in all. I know. It’s disgusting. It’s disgusting. But if I end up lighter, then Mr. Booker has to come on the show dressed like Spartacus. Yeah. How about… Corey?” Gutfeld announced challenging the leftist, knowing there is no way that Booker would ever play along.

“It’s going to be tough. So my advice for the rest of you, do not rely on willpower. It’s about availability. If something’s around you, you’re going to eat it. It’s why I don’t have children. So get rid of all the stuff in your house that’s sugary. That’s half the battle. Then the rest is keeping busy, idle hands always end up stuck in an empty tube of Pringles. True boredom leads to snacking, and over time, snacking leads to this. So I’m going to join Mr. Booker before I turn into that, because we have to fight obesity one step at a time. Unless, of course, there’s an escalator,” he humorously concluded.

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Terresa Monroe-Hamilton
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