‘Dumbest time to be alive’: Toronto Police’s alert for missing woman with ‘full goatee’ sends heads to desks

Ain’t it a wonderful time to be alive?

We are fortunate enough to live in an age when even something as straightforward as a police APB for a missing woman collapses into self-parody.

The Toronto Police Service waded into this territory with a recent Twitter post about a “Missing Woman,” which was accompanied by a photo of an individual who is most decidedly not a woman.

On the contrary, it’s clearly a bearded man with a somewhat vacuous stare.

“My goodness. It’s real. The absolute dumbest time to be alive,” tweeted Tyler Cardon, CEO of Blaze Media. It’s a sentiment that captures what most sane people think when they see the Toronto Police’s surreal tweet.

The accompanying news release is even better.

“Missing woman,” the release announces. “The Toronto Police Service requests the public’s assistance locating a missing woman. Isobella Degrace, 27, was last seen on Saturday, June 25, 2022, at 3 a.m., in the Ryerson Avenue and Bathurst Street area. She is described as 5’10”, with a thin build, shaggy blonde hair, and a full goatee. She was last seen wearing a black t-shirt and grey pants. Police are concerned for her safety.”

This announcement is followed by the same picture of the unfeminine female.

Obviously, the internet quickly latched onto the bizarre tweet and had a field day with it.

“I predict unsolved cases at Toronto Police are about to jump exponentially…” wrote one Twitter user, while another posted a picture of a man in weird, dog-themed S&M gear and captioned it “Missing dog.”

Seth Dillon, CEO of The Babylon Bee, acknowledged that the post had made him rethink his business model.

“The world has become too absurd to be satirized,” he tweeted.

Some users, naturally, pointed out that the seemingly “woke” police description is counterproductive. “How will you find this ‘woman’ if over the police radio you are using ‘woman’ to describe what clearly is a man?” one person asked.

But actually serving the public in any meaningful way doesn’t seem to be the purpose, and most people just enjoyed the absurdity of it all.

There’s been a slew of such woke absurdity in recent weeks, as businesses and governments outdid one another trying to signal fealty to LGBTQ+ ideology during “Pride Month.” For one thing, Halifax, a UK bank, was lambasted for sanctimoniously tweeting “Pronouns matter,” with a picture of a name tag bearing assorted pronouns.

The Toronto Police Service has released any follow-up to explain the unusual post, so it’s hard to know whether the picture was mistakenly included or if it was intentional.

The problem is, these days, you just never know.


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