Congress is telling Americans to take ‘$600 and shut up.’ Tucker’s not shutting up.

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Fox News’ Tucker Carlson laced into Congress’ COVID-19 relief bill for doling out a few hundred dollars to Americans reeling from perpetual pandemic business closures and lockdowns while spending hundreds of millions on “woke” foreign aid programs.

In his opening monologue Tuesday, Carlson noted that after months of “tense negotiations and multiple rounds of televised theatrics,” lawmakers have finally settled on a massive $2.3 trillion spending bill that includes about $900 billion in pandemic relief money, in which most Americans will get a $600 check.

“That’s a lot of money. On the other hand, there’s a lot of need,” Carlson said. “Thanks in part to government lockdowns, more than 100 million Americans are out of the workforce tonight. One in six restaurants is closed. Huge parts of the retail sector are in tatters.”

Continuing, Carlson said, “If ever there was a time Americans need relief, it’s right now. So you’ll be glad to know there is something for you in this bill.”

The host the mockingly noted the amount Congress settled on for Americans as he displayed screenshots of Democratic Gov. Gavin Newsom violating his own COVID-19 restrictions at an upscale French restaurant and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) bragging about her expensive ice cream during a late-night show earlier this year.

“That money, should you receive it, is yours to keep. Do what you wish. Buy a moderately sized television set and watch the free channels — all night, if you want,” he said. “Rent a Tesla for a day and drive it until the power runs out. Or splurge and order two full appetizers right off the tasting menu at the French Laundry in Napa, tip not included.

“Whatever! The sky’s the limit here. Go crazy. Six hundred dollars, all for you,” Carlson said sarcastically. “It’s good to be an American.”

The host went on to note that the bill that was “passed by not read” by Congress also contains roughly $750 million to improve border security — including building walls — in Jordan, Egypt, Tunisia, Lebanon, and Oman.

“God knows those countries need it. Borders make a nation. Remember that. Except here, in the United States which is unique among nations through history, borders are not relevant,” he said. “In fact, borders are racist.”

Carlson also mocked tens of millions in funding for “democracy programs in Venezuela,” as well as $231 million to pay down Sudan’s national debt.

While noting that hundreds of millions more will be spent to “diversify” the intelligence community workforce and create two new museums for women and Latinos, Carlson said “there’s a whole lot more for the rest of the world.”

The host went on to criticize Sen. Lindsey Graham for championing $10 million for “gender programs” in Pakistan contained in the bill before playing a clip of the South Carolina Republican discussing it earlier Tuesday on “Fox & Friends.”

“Pakistan is a place I really worry about. Eight-five countries, a woman can’t open up a bank account without her husband’s signature, she can’t inherit property. If you’re a young girl in Pakistan, life is pretty tough so we’re trying to make life better for women throughout the world,” Graham said.

Another measure in the bill spends tens of millions to recruit and retain women in the Afghan National Army, Carlson said, asking: “Why is the U.S. paying for this? Is that something that will help the United States in some measurable way?”

He then suggested that such programs are funded at the behest of “crazed ideologues” in the federal bureaucracy and other special interest groups in order to impose left-wing social priorities are other countries.

“Foreign aid is the most effective way for the academic left to export its poisonous social program to the rest of the world. The Roman Empire built roads, we demand poorer countries become woke,” Carlson said.

He then asked how Americans truly feel about foreign aid expenditures in the bill and the social justice objectives behind them.

“Well, who cares how you feel about it? You got six hundred bucks. So shut up,” he concluded.

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