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Florida Man is on a roll: Suspect charged with stealing 66 rolls of toilet paper

(Orange County Sheriff’s Department/Pixabay)

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Florida Man’s back, and from the sounds of it he’s been on quite a roll …

Literally!

Meet Angel Esteban Hernandezcinto, a 31-year-old Florida Man who managed to sneak 66 rolls of toilet paper out of a Marriott hotel in Orange County before getting caught thanks to a keen-eyed security guard.

Hernandezcinto reportedly worked for a cleaning company that services the hotel.

According to investigators, the guard observed Hernandezcinto pushing a trash can to his vehicle and then transferring a bag from the trash can to his car.

“Yamil [the security guard] saw Angel pushing a trash can toward his Honda van,” the arrest affidavit reportedly read. “Angel opened the rear of the van and took a trash bag from the trash can and put it in his van.”

“Yamil found it suspicious as to why he put a trash bag in his van and peeked through the window. Yamil noticed the bag was full of unused toilet paper that belonged to the hotel.”

It contained 66 rolls of toilet paper reportedly valued at $0.99 per roll, or about $65.00 total. When eventually confronted by the authorities, Hernandezcinto admitted to the theft but claimed to have committed it for a noble purpose.

“Angel told me he knew a lady who was poor and has no job and he was only taking the toilet paper to help her and her family,” the arresting officer on the case wrote in the arrest affidavit.

How sweet. It’s too bad this Florida Man can’t be trusted …

“When police first asked for his name, Hernandezcinto was said to have given the false name of ‘Andres Hernandez,’ later telling the officer he lied because he was scared,”  Newsweek has confirmed.

“Hernandezcinto was charged with theft from a public lodging facility, a third-degree felony. He was handcuffed and taken to the Orange County Jail, before being released later the same morning on a $2,500 bond.”

Congratulations, Mr. Hernandezcinto, for you’re officially famous, albeit not in a good way. From henceforth, you’ll forever be known as Florida Man, Coronavirus Edition!

Look (*Pun language warning*):

Believe it or not, but there is now a legitimate reason for “this obsession with toilet paper.”

Because of the global coronavirus pandemic, panicked Americans have many store shelves of toilet paper and other goods. This has left those in actual need in dire straights.

However, assuming Hernandezcinto was genuinely trying to help some poor woman, why did he try to steal 66 rolls? He could have easily succeeded in taking two or three rolls, which would have certainly lasted one woman at least a week.

The fact that he stole so many strongly suggests this Florida Man was hoping to flip them on the black market for a profit. And yes, a black market for toilet paper exists. As does one for hand sanitizer and all sorts of other desperately desired goods.

As reported earlier this week, whereas the gangsters of yore would peddle drugs to their community from the backs of their car, contemporary coronavirus-age gangsters have taken to pushing greatly overpriced hand sanitizer and toilet paper.

The trick has been to purchase lots of sanitizer or toilet paper for ultra-cheap (or steal it, as Hernandezcinto tried to do) and then resell it online or on street corners for prices ranging from twice to ten times as high.

In one case, a pair of brothers from Tennessee purchased hand sanitizer for average prices of $4.99 a bottle and then resold them for prices as high as $70.00 apiece.

Of course, it’s possible Hernandezcinto was telling the truth. It just seems unlikely, especially when you factor in that he ain’t the only TP thief in the Florida area.

Another TP thief was reportedly arrested Tuesday “after breaking into a neighbor’s truck and swiping a 6-pack of toilet paper,” as reported by Newsweek.

Move over Florida Man, for it’s time to make way for Florida Men!

Vivek Saxena

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