Gutfeld offers an ‘adult’s take’ on reopening economy; rips ‘insulated dopes’ scolding those who want to work

Fox News host Greg Gutfeld offered an “adult’s” take on reopening the U.S. economy amid the coronavirus outbreak Monday on “The Five,” taking note that federalism is the guiding factor here and it will not always be a smooth process.

“This road map to economic return looks pretty messy,” he said. “That’s normal. You have 50 states, all different with different economies. Different distances. Hence, the need for a road map, not a prism.”

“The good news, we accomplished what we set out to do so far,” Gutfeld continued. “We are flattening the curve, to spread out the pandemic’s brunt so that it will not crash our health care system. So far, so good, but now what?”


The elephant in the room is the shutdown of the country, and the position that puts millions of Americans in. Having had their paychecks taken away from them, many find themselves for the first time ever having to depend on government handouts to feed their families.

“Do we keep economies closed indefinitely?” Gutfeld asked, before providing the only answer. “We know we can’t. We have already dug a hole so deep it might even reach China. And we know that once when we reopen, the curve could un-flatten, which is why no one really knows the right date to reopen, so stop pretending.”

The Fox News host offered a spot-on analysis of Democrats who are eager to criticize President Trump.

“Dems have the luxury of doing nothing but waiting for something to go wrong,” he explained. “Especially when you have an ocean view and a fridge full of Gelato.”

Gutfeld then played a clip of Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s appearance on late night TV, as she stood in front of her $24,000 home refrigeration system and showed off a freezer full of expensive ice cream — this being Pelosi’s “let them eat cake” moment, as many Americans struggle to keep their freezers full of anything.

“Marie Antoinette had cake, Nancy brought the ice cream,” Gutfeld said. “But adults, we get it. Each decision brings risks.”

In what astute viewers had to know was coming, Gutfeld turned his attention to actor Patton Oswalt, who he had a little brouhaha with over the weekend — Oswalt mocked Americans protesting to get back to work, and Gutfeld hit back, calling him a “rich fat guy sitting on a mountain of cash [telling] you jackasses to suck it up.”

“Yet, insulated dopes still smear Americans on their selfishness for just needing a paycheck,” Gutfeld said. “Patton Oswalt mocked anxious Yanks for cracking under the lockdown — he assumes everybody can sit down with Netflix and nannies indefinitely just like him, a well-off finger sniffing jack ass. His was an attack on class. These dolts, he laughed, would risk their lives were cheeseburgers.”

“But it’s a good day when a rich leftist reveals his true hatred for the working class,” he added, shoveling a final scoop of dirt on the steaming pile that once was Oswalt.

“So, as we head for another new week with more ups and downs than a kangaroo on meth, the adult knows that what path we choose must be flexible,” Gutfeld concluded. “One that allows us to pull back, change course based on new info — we can do a roll out by age or region, but we need the government to be straight with us on tests.”

“Seriously, what is the deal with tests?” he asked. “‘We will get through this. We have so far. But sadly for you, retreating to a mansion stocked with sherbet, it just isn’t in the cards.”

At the end of the segment, after a dog was heard barking in the background, co-host Jesse Watters surely sent liberals into a frenzy when he admitted that it was his dog.

After apologizing to America, he joked that he was going to “beat” and “kick” the dog later, as Gutfeld adamantly, yet jokingly protested.

“I’m not going to do anything, everybody relax,” Watters then reassured viewers.


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