The story of an alleged attack on Trump-hating actor and musician Jussie Smollett has more holes than a slice of Swiss cheese, which is altogether fitting when you consider the latest turn in the case.
While multiple surveillance cameras failed to capture the alleged attack by two MAGA supporters, which reportedly took place near a Subway restaurant in downtown Chicago, Emmy award-winning reporter Fox 32 Chicago reporter Rafer Weigel reported that a Chicago police source said surveillance did capture Smollet “still holding” his Subway sandwich when he returned to the building afterwards.
— Rafer Weigel (@RaferWeigel) February 1, 2019
This would suggest that either the “Empire” actor never dropped his sub during the terrifying attack he described, or that after being viciously attacked and left with a rope around his neck, he was still of the frame of mind to search for and retrieve his sandwich.
Even though he was allegedly doused in bleach.
Keep in mind that Smollett also said he was on his cell phone when the alleged attack occurred — never mind that he did not use that phone to immediately call police, waiting about 40 minutes to do so.
Interestingly, he spoke about the alleged attack Saturday night at a Los Angeles performance, his first since he belatedly reported the alleged incident.
Reading from a list, Smollett corrected the record on some things that were reported, telling the crowd his ribs were not broken and that he was not hospitalized.
He even said that he put up a fight.
No, Smollet did not mention his Subway sandwich, nor did he say what became of it as he was engaged in battle — though one social media user suggested it could have been a potential weapon.
If it had been a club sandwich, he could have used it as a weapon.
— Hill🐝Buzz (@HillBuzz) February 1, 2019
“And above all, I fought the f–k back. I’m the gay Tupac (Shakur),” a defiant Smollet told the smattering of fans.
Jussie Smollett speaks out at Los Angeles performance. pic.twitter.com/l8QZAQfubW
— Keith Boykin (@keithboykin) February 3, 2019
While racially motivated attacks are no laughing matter, to say that there are more than a few skeptics when it comes to the alleged attack on Smollett is no understatement.
And with that in mind, the Subway angle of the story proved to be serious fodder for social media snark.
Here’s a sampling of responses from Twitter:
If I’m @SUBWAY I’m calling him up to do commercials!
“I was viciously attacked…I was almost lynched…but throughout the ordeal, I was determined to hold on to my $5 footlong NO MATTER WHAT!”
— (((L.N. Smithee))) (@LNSmithee) February 2, 2019
You can have my subway when you pry it from my cold dead hands
— Irish Bearcat (@bctswg) February 2, 2019
That’s a lot of commitment for a five dollar foot long.
— deepTHOTS (@Penny4yoTHOTs) February 1, 2019
Huge commitment to hang on to that Subway sandwich after being beaten, bleached, & having neck roped. He could be Subway’s next spokesperson!
— Pink Sands (@PinkSands5) February 2, 2019
Must have tasted funny with all that bleach on it!
— Lord Will Hill #WalkAway ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (@JWalkaway) February 3, 2019
Munchies shan’t be denied…
— Matt Barber (@jmattbarber) February 2, 2019
If this isn’t a Saturday Night Live skit this week, it sure should be. This gets dumber and dumber by the day. Maybe that’s why his friends are calling him a ‘warrior….because he hung on to his delicious sandwich after being beaten, bleached and roped. 🙄
— I’m Triggered (@StopThisMadnes1) February 1, 2019
Well. There is nothing fishy about this story AT ALL.
— Jack Sun (@jacque_sun88) February 2, 2019
Got a beatin’, but he’s still eatin’!! pic.twitter.com/mr1aEhYkJb
— Theresa T. (@tlc102462) February 2, 2019
In all fairness, them damn good sandwiches, though.
— #JackDuggan in a #MAGAhat (@DeepwaterPierat) February 2, 2019
He went out in freezing cold Chicago at 2:00 am to get that sandwich. What was he supposed to do, leave it on the ground?
— Media Will Kill! 🌐 (@atom_attic) February 2, 2019
Breaking News: CPD releases a picture of one of the suspects! pic.twitter.com/iyRXhyplDm
— TESB80 (@tesb80) February 3, 2019
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