CNN: Government shutdown risks an undetected asteroid strike

Based on the perceived expectation that Americans plan to blame the government shutdown on Republicans instead of intractable Democrats hellbent on holding the line for a DACA fix for their liberal base, the media is doing their dead level best to make sure their audience is as fearful as possible.

But an asteroid strike? You’d think that would be a stretch even for CNN.

You’d think, until you heard it with your own ears.

Check out this clip from Friday’s “The Lead with Jake Tapper,” featuring CNN’s Tom Foreman waxing eloquent about the Biblical plagues about to hit America – all thanks to evil Republicans, of course.

“It’s not just the government workers, if the shutdown happens,” Tapper said. “It will have a real cascading effect on the economy.”

“Yeah that’s absolutely right,” Foreman responded. “If there is no deal as these negotiations stand right now, nearly 800,000 undocumented immigrants who came as children, the so-called DREAMers would be thrust into a dangerous legal limbo. So would nine million children covered by Children’s Health Insurance Program, CHIP. But plenty of other Americans who have nothing to do with any of that could also feel the impact.”

Before predictably neglecting to mention that Republicans offered a deal to extend CHIP, the segment moved to a narrated report by the CNN reporter.

“850,000 government workers locked out of their offices and left out of their paychecks,” Foreman said. “That’s what happened when the government shut down in 2013 and it would likely be the same this time. Including many who don’t make much.”

“Roughly 1.9 million government workers would be considered essential and stay on the job. Air traffic controllers, security officers, food inspectors, prison guards. Social Security checks would go out. The post office would be open. But at a steep price to many workers,” he added.

The segment cut to OMB Director Mitch Mulvaney saying, “The military will still go to work. They will not get paid. The border will still be patrolled. They will not get paid.”

“Meanwhile many services would be stopped or delayed,” Foreman continued. “The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention would back down its flu tracking program even as the nation faces the worst outbreak in years. Some senior nutrition programs would be paused. 200,000 passport applications went unprocessed in 1995. Congress funds much of the scientific research done in this country. In 2013, that meant some experiments went on hold and suffered costly losses of data.”

Starvation, epidemics, oh my. I mean, it’s quite possible the only thing left is pretty much the utter destruction of life on this planet…

“And in space that same year, for more than two weeks, NASA reportedly stopped monitoring potentially dangerous asteroids. A big one, by the way, is expected to brush by Earth on February 4th,” Foreman said, with a straight face.

Yep, better say your prayers, America. If CNN is right on this one, it’s about to be a bumpy ride!

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Any op-ed views and opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of BizPac Review.

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Scott Morefield

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