Beer marketer’s awfulness applauded

Op-ed views and opinions expressed are solely those of the author.

Corporate marketing staffers aren’t worth their weight in three-piece suits if they don’t have the guts to stand up and assert why the promotional programs their bosses are suggesting will spell disaster. 

They may get fired for being brutally honest and bursting out in uncontrollable laughter during the boss’s presentation, but it beats being publicly waterboarded and having their professional reputations permanently stained with classic corporate fiascos. Having “I warned them” on a resume trumps “I was part of that mess.” 

Where was the marketing staff when Alissa Heinerscheid, the ostentatious ivy-draped Harvard gal initiated Bud Light’s marketing debacle to appeal to the LGBTQABC+ crowd and mock the brand’s good ‘ole boy loyalists who hammer breakfast beers?

Nothing in her insane concept worked except the mocking part as she effectively persuaded the company’s most loyal customer base to abandon the brew. She simultaneously generated a tsunami of negative publicity sending sales of Bud Light south, a direction it is still headed. 

Anheuser Busch’s stunned C-suite suits quickly discarded the pretentious and clueless Crimson expert putting her and her immediate boss on “leave.” Nothing has been heard from the two of them in weeks and it’s doubtful there are many companies out there knocking on the door of their pit of misery with job offers.

But what about Marcel Marcondes the chief global marketing officer of Anheuser-Burch InBev, the Belgium-based company that owns Bud Light? What happened to this madcap marketing maven who was in charge of this massive Brew-ha-ha? 

He was last heard from in France sipping Champaign and nibbling foie gras at the lavish Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity, collecting (and I am not making this up) an honor as Creative Marketer of the Year. 

This is NOT a Babylon Bee or Onion satirical howler but an actual award at a real event. Marcel, not exactly a name associated with beer-drinking, back-slapping, coon-hunting good-ole-boys, gave a talk about (and I am not making this up either) his company’s “relentless focus on connecting with consumers in meaningful ways.” 

As far as I know, he didn’t provide any tips on how he proposes to lure Skeeter, Billy-Bob, or Spider back into the Bud Light fold after exposing them to the pretend gal Dylan Mulvaney and his tutu-wearing pals. 

While keeping a straight face Marcondes told the crowd: “It’s tough to see the controversial and divisive debates that have been happening in the U.S. in the last couple of weeks involving lots of brands and companies, including and especially Bud Light,” he said. “It’s tough exactly because what we do is all about bringing people together.” 

The tone-deaf Marcondes belongs in the Marketing Hall of Shame right up there with the Edsel, New Coke and the BP CEO who said he “would like his life back” after an oil rig explosion killed 11 of his employees and sent oil spewing into the Gulf of Mexico. 

Before Marcondes my favorite “worst” was Adidas sending an email to runners in the 2017 Boston Marathon, after the Boston Marathon bombing, congratulating them “on surviving.” 

A “Marcondes Moment” could be the newest phase for any corporate marketing concept gone terribly wrong. 

Along with Bud Light a leading contender so far this year is the L.A. Dodgers baseball team for honoring the blasphemous “Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence” with a “community hero award.”

This group of transvestites, which has no ties to the Christian religion, describes itself as being “a leading-edge order of queer and trans nuns.” Its members perversely dress up as nuns while encouraging lewd and sacrilegious behavior. 

This team’s Mother of Superiorly vile promotion will probably earn the Dodgers marketing chief a featured spot on next year’s Cannes Festival stage.

Family Research Council’s Ken Blackwell Blackwell, who is part of the shareholder group of  the Cincinnati Reds, has watched the grassroots pushback explode across industries over these past few months. “Most fans just want to be entertained, he said. “This sort of ‘advocacy athleticism,’” as he called it, “is just a slippery slope.” 

“It’s just like the whole Bud Light controversy,” Blackwell pointed out. “Folks are speaking with their feet and their pocketbooks. People aren’t just going to sit on the sidelines anymore and be insulted. These activists who are pushing this agenda seem to think hardworking, every day, Bible-believing people are marshmallows—and we’re not.”

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Dave Scott

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