Strippers strike for ‘basic safety and respect’ in the workplace

The strip club capital of America, which to nobody’s surprise is Portland, Oregon, is being put under pressure by striking strippers.

“We’re fighting for basic safety and respect in the workplace, just like any other industry expects,” said “Nyx” in a statement to Willamette Week. Apparently, the fine ladies of the Magic Tavern have been forced to dance in deplorable conditions, such as unstable poles, unmarked and uneven flooring on stage, the smell of gas and a lack of security and cameras. They claim that any complaints were met with nasty retaliation by management, one of whom reportedly named a group chat with the dancers “Anus Tarts.”

Without sufficient security to ensure the safety of the hard-working women, the strippers have been forced to take bizarre measures to make sure the patrons keep their hands (and other body parts) to themselves.

“Imagine if you told a dancer, ‘If someone licks your nipple, go tell security and we’ll get them thrown out,’” explained “Daphne”. “That would be so much better than, ‘You should put some deodorant on your boobs.’” It seems that women are resorting to spraying their exposed body parts with things like no-chew spray for dogs, which is probably a sign that it’s time to get a different job.

But the strike hasn’t shut down the club entirely, and non-striking dancers can still be seen swinging around the allegedly unstable poles. However, if the striking strippers get their way, the Magic Tavern will end up being the second unionized strip club in the entire United States.

The future is now.

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