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‘You are your safest sex partner’: NYC nixes orgies, officials publish guide to coronavirus intimacy

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During the weekend, captive social media users are raising the visibility of what some would say should have been a quickly forgotten progressive primer on sex during the coronavirus pandemic.

A two-page flyer put out by the New York City Department of Health on Saturday advises in detail what types of sexual activity are sanctioned by the taxpayer-funded powers that be.

Presumably, the target audience for the communication is those who are unable to think logically for themselves. Potentially, there are also some in the city who are chronically blinded beyond all reason by their lust and hormonal urges, thus requiring guidance aimed at spurring some level of restraint.

Top-line advice by NYC Health: “All New Yorkers should stay home and minimize contact with others to reduce the spread of COVID-19.”

“But can you have sex?” the department memo goes on to ask, as the natural next question that would, of course, come to mind.

“Beyond the Pale” Warning …

Please be warned that the following details taken from the NYC Health flyer may be offensive.

After explaining that “the virus can spread to people who are within about 6 feet of a person with COVID-19 when that person coughs or sneezes,” and that “the virus can spread through direct contact with their saliva or mucus,” far more graphic explanations follow.

Masturbation is highly recommended by the city as long as appropriate, thorough hand washing and sex-toy washing are implemented before and after.

“The next safest partner is someone you live with,” the advisory states. “Having close contact — including sex — with only a small circle of people helps prevent spreading COVID-19. You should avoid close contact — including sex — with anyone outside your household. If you do have sex with others, have as few partners as possible,” was one bit that got much attention online, as many New Yorkers have roommates who are not sexually intimate. Some have taken this as an encouragement to break down those barriers. Still others are taking it as direction to tone down the orgies.

Other advice for the non-monogamous includes: “If you usually meet your sex partners online or make a living by having sex, consider taking a break from in-person dates. Video dates, sexting or chat rooms may be options for you.”

Kissing anyone outside your “small circle of close contacts” is a no-no, the bureaucrats of carnality warn.

And then there’s this … “COVID-19 has been found in feces of people who are infected with the virus,” so applying one’s mouth to the anus may allow feces to enter your mouth. The flyer advises that is not a good thing.

Unwanted pregnancy is another concern addressed by NYC Health. Given the probability that people will be house-bound together for the foreseeable future, “Make sure you have an effective form of birth control for the coming weeks.”

“We certainly want people to know that yes, it’s ok to have sex, and encourage them to be aware of the risks and ways to protect themselves,” a spokesperson for the New York City Health Department said.

Victor Rantala


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