Prepare yourselves, ladies and gentlemen, because the world has officially gone mad. But it’s not because of the global coronavirus pandemic. Well, not exactly. It’s because New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, 62, officially has groupies. Yes, groupies.
Groupies like Denise Albert, a 44-year-old Upper West Side divorcée who desperately wants a piece of that Cuomo pie (yucky yucky).
“For me, it was when I heard him say, ‘My mother is light and joy,'” she said to the New York Post. “What also got me was his speaking about family dynamics — disagreeing with his brother about where his mom should be. … It’s relatable, vulnerable, inspirational. There’s nothing hotter than vulnerability in a man.”
Yeah, OK …
Albert is among a growing army of local women with allegedly low standards who’ve been smitten by Cuomo’s authoritarian response to the growing coronavirus pandemic. Apparently, these women like controlling men. Daddy issues, perhaps?
“Talia Reese, a married mom of two in Great Neck, Long Island, thinks Cuomo sounds like Al Pacino. The comic said she and her friends text one another when he’s on TV, with one declaring, ‘Cuomo press conference right now. Morning fix,'” the Post reported.
“It’s like all these women are back in high school. We’re all in our pajamas, eating ice cream in bed, and he’s in a sharp suit, looking clean,” she herself said.
For an example of Cuomo’s alleged sexiness, see the video below:
Havent watched the whole thing but so far this is a good press conference by Cuomo: https://t.co/BVXQwEDiwD
— Nationalize Amazon (@Newyorkist) March 15, 2020
Ilene Beckerman, another local divorcée, is also smitten — and for reasons that may potentially take future scientists decades to unravel.
“How could I not fall in love with him?” she asked the Post. “He doesn’t use notes or screens, he’s smart, his voice is strong. I’m almost 85 and finally think I know about men. He’s a keeper.”
Human rights activist Kerry Kennedy certainly didn’t keep him. After a 15 year marriage, she dumped the chump in 2005.
“Andrew seemed utterly consumed by his work; Kerry felt weighted down by the full load of parenting the couple’s three young daughters,” Vanity Fair magazine reported in a 2015 profile of Capt. Sexy’s failed marriage.
The profile continued, “The stresses of marriage and parenthood might have been alleviated, Kerry felt, if she and Andrew spent more time with their families (particularly her own): more child-care options, more camaraderie, more love and support. But Andrew did not agree.”
Talk about hunka-hunka NO burning love …
“As his poll numbers plummeted in late August [during his first run for New York governor in 2002], he made the decision to quit the race rather than suffer a whopping defeat, earning all the more scorn from Democrats and Republicans alike,” the piece continued.
“Andrew’s most damning review awaited him at home. On September 11, 2002, the day after the primary, Kerry demanded a divorce — the end of Cuomolot. She had lived up to her side of the deal, she told friends, being the loyal candidate’s wife throughout the campaign, not letting a hint slip of the true state of their marriage. But now, enough was enough.”
This isn’t to say Cuomo doesn’t have his good sides. After all, President Donald Trump’s eldest daughter, Ivanka, retweeted him this week.
Let us take the opportunity to reconnect to the core values of humanity – love, compassion and respect. https://t.co/B6k0lui9I2
— Ivanka Trump (@IvankaTrump) March 22, 2020
God willing, she’s not in love with him like Beckerman …
And please dear God, do not let it be known that she thinks he’s “gorgeous” like WFAN sportscaster Suzyn Waldman.
“He’s decisive, calming, gets things done — and he’s drop-dead gorgeous,” Waldman said to the Post. “Everybody always looks for someone who will say, ‘It’s going to be OK.'”
Staten Island blogger Melissa Chapman agreed.
“I love how he is trying to calm us all down,” she said. “I’m totally crushing on him, especially when he starts to wax about not being able to kiss his [quarantined] daughter’s face.”
For some reason, Ivanka’s father hasn’t received the same love. Instead, he’s been tarred and feathered whenever he’s tried to inject some positivity into the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, with the media accusing him of peddling “false hope“:
.@CNN is accusing @POTUS of peddling false hope. The truth is, America does need hope! I thank God that we have a Commander in Chief who knows how to take charge and stand w/hope in front of clouds of despair looming on the horizon—thank you Pres. Trump! https://t.co/buGbExydEb
— Franklin Graham (@Franklin_Graham) March 20, 2020
If you don’t see a problem with the press in America, I can make it clear why there is one.
If Trump’s optimistic or hopeful, they say he’s spreading false optimism & hope.
If Trump’s somber & pessimistic, they say he’s spreading fear.
They’re an opposition party, not media.
— Robby Starbuck (@robbystarbuck) March 20, 2020
This is such a lie. He didn’t ask Trump to reassure Americans. He accused Trump of giving false hope. CNN is trash. https://t.co/k3wEmTiBqT
— Eddie Zipperer (@EddieZipperer) March 20, 2020
And FYI, the president is four inches taller than Cuomo. That’s “yuge,” no?
Meanwhile, as the New York governor has been fomenting love in the hearts of groupies, he’s also been busy fomenting inspiration in the hearts of disgruntled Democrat Party voters who seek an alternative to Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders.
As of Saturday, in fact, #PresidentCuomo was trending on social media.
Given Biden’s fantastic disappearing act lately – gotta wonder if the Dems consider nominating Cuomo. The approaching he’s taking in New York is one that entire country could benefit from.
Hell I’d vote for #PresidentCuomo
— Mike Maresca (@mikeybox) March 21, 2020
Cuomo’s coronavirus TV briefings may have Biden, Sanders worried https://t.co/Q3GHqfv7gg
— Eric (@llebcire) March 22, 2020
It’s wild I’d vote for a #PresidentCuomo well before I’d vote for Biden or 45…
Or is it just basic common sense 🤔
— social distancing papi✌🏾 (@ohhhMG_) March 22, 2020
As a Bernie supporter annoyed that Bernie is proven right again yet the donkeys chose same old same old #PresidentCuomo sounds a lot better than losing with Biden.
— peterbisset (@bisset_peter) March 22, 2020
— TimmyTechTV (@TimmyTechTV) March 22, 2020
Eh, conservatives probably prefer #PresidentTrump. But hey, at least #SexyCuomo isn’t trending … yet.
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