Word to the uncouth: If you want to be a cheater, at least be an intelligent adulterer. In short, don’t be anything like the ex-boyfriend of NFL Network reporter Jane Slater.
In tweets posted last week in response to the Peloton snowflake freakout, Slater revealed that a current ex-boyfriend once gifted her a Fitbit for Christmas.
Fitbit is a wearable gadget that tracks one’s physical activity. These days, Fitbits are network operable, meaning they can be linked to not only one’s online accounts (think Facebook, Twitter, etc.) but also to friends, family members and dumb boyfriends.
And therein lies the rub.
Look:
An Ex Boyfriend once got me a Fitbit for Christmas. I loved it. We synched up, motivated each other… didn’t hate it until he was unaccounted for at 4am and his physical activity levels were spiking on the app ?wish the story wasn’t real. https://t.co/npRkLJYYz0
— Jane Slater (@SlaterNFL) December 5, 2019
Spoiler alert: he was not enrolled in an OrangeTheory class at 4am.
— Jane Slater (@SlaterNFL) December 5, 2019
My girlfriend once said “one day we will laugh about this” as I sobbed uncontrollably in the car. I have now many times bahahahah
— Jane Slater (@SlaterNFL) December 5, 2019
Talk about a blessing in disguise!
Though Slater clearly suffered deeply that day, in the long-run she wound up 100 times better off. Not only does she presumably still own the Fitbit (they can be pricey), but she doesn’t have the lying, unfaithful EX in her life anymore. Talk about winning!
But her ex ain’t the only moron in town. Not by a long shot.
Meet Florida man Jon Pickard, another moron. Last month authorities in Tarpon Springs pulled him over for driving 90 mph in a 55 mph zone. When asked to explain himself, he outed himself as an adulterer by reportedly telling the officers “he needed to get home in a hurry because he was cheating on his wife.”
FYI, arrest records are public in Florida, genius. And yes, Pickard was indeed arrested — not only for reckless driving, it turns out, but for possession of crack cocaine as well.
And thanks to the hilariously ridiculous remark he made about cheating on his wife, his story has become headline news all across America. Well done!
To be fair to male adulterers, most of them don’t expose themselves like morons. Most are in reality busted by their clever, prying other halves.
Consider the case of Tony, a schmuck who suddenly became glued to his phone after a year with Angela Jones. Suspicious that something might be afoot, Jones decided to take matters into her own hands.
“[H]er worst fears were confirmed when the 50-year-old from Plymouth logged into Tony’s Facebook and found dozens of flirty messages – as well as a secret Plenty of Fish dating profile,” The Sun reported over the summer.
Jerk! But rather than expose him right away, she set a trap.
“For my own sanity, I needed to know just how far Tony would go. That’s what I hatched a plan to catfish him,” she said. “After finding a picture on Google, I made a fake dating profile and became Lilli — a high-flying solicitor.”
“It didn’t take Tony long to take the bait — he messaged me within minutes of me setting up the account. My blood boiled as he started flirting immediately – claiming he was single.”
She continued messaging him for two weeks, after which she invited him to a hotel room. And just like a puppy, he came. Bad move.
“That’s when I unleashed my revenge — publicly outed Tony for the lying, cheating rat he really was on his own Facebook,” she said. “Not only was he stood up by his ‘date’ for the night, but all his friends and family all found out exactly what he’d been up to.”
Brutal …
Naturally, the two aren’t together anymore. But alas, that cannot be said of former President Bill Clinton and his wife, Hillary Clinton.
Though Bill eventually admitted to the entire world that he’d cheated on Hillary in the Oval Office, the two remain married decades later.
However, rumors still persist of his allegedly ongoing infidelity. Just as recently as 2015, word broke that he was seeing someone code-named the “Energizer.”
“He has a blond, busty mistress, and she’s been code named Energizer by agents,” journalist Ronald Kessler claimed at the time. “This is unofficially, but that is what they call her. … She comes into the Chappaqua [NY] home whenever Hillary leaves. The details coordinate to make sure they don’t cross paths. She, unlike Hillary, is very nice to the agents. She’ll bring cookies.”
He expounded further on these allegations during an interview with Inside Edition.
Watch:
Considering that Bill allegedly continues to get away with cheating, it’s unclear who’s the real moron between him and Hillary.
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V. Saxena is a staff writer for BizPac Review with a decade of experience as a professional writer, and a lifetime of experience as an avid news junkie. He holds a degree in computer technology from Purdue University.
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