If you plan to visit Florida sometime soon, please beware the craziness. What sort of craziness? Oh, say, the craziness of crazy people who twerk — yes, twerk — while shoplifting …
SAY WHAT!?
Surveillance footage released this week shows two women twerking down the aisles of a MadRag women’s clothing store in Pembroke Pines as they stuff their their bags with clothes.
Watch the too-hot-for-TV footage below:
Baby got back!
According to the Sun-Sentinel, the shoplifting seen above occurred on April. The two ladies reportedly stole nearly $400 worth of goods. What’s unclear is whether the twerking was designed to serve as a distraction or whether the ladies are simply crazy.
For the sake of fun, the assumption is that they’re just nuts. And FYI, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are still on the run, so if you witness any twerking in a Florida retail store, be sure to call 911!
Of course, this isn’t to say that everybody in Florida is crazy; one could, in fact, argue that Gov. Ron DeSantis is Mr. Anti-Crazy, given his staunch stance against left-wing craziness (more on this later).
But the fact remains that Florida does contain an odd amount of craziness, crazy people and even crazy animals. Yes, crazy animals. Take for instance a crazy 11-foot-long alligator who burst through a kitchen window of a home in Clearwater in the dead of night:
Observe:
See you later, alligator ? A scaly 11-foot-long gator broke into a Clearwater home overnight through some low windows in their kitchen. Clearwater Police officers and a trapper responded to the scene to capture and remove the gator. There were no injuries. pic.twitter.com/jsOxRNfkEV
— Clearwater Police Department (@myclearwaterPD) May 31, 2019
Speaking with Tampa station WTVT, homeowner Mary Wischhusen said she’d gotten up to use the restroom at 3:30 am early Friday morning when she suddenly heard a loud crash, and the next thing she knew, she was face-to-face with a very cocky alligator.
“I heard this huge, monstrous crash, like the whole roof was falling in on the side of my house,” she recalled. “I headed for the kitchen and as I got to the door of the kitchen, I had this beautiful face staring at me as though he belonged there. This 10-foot gator was having a marvelous time sitting in my kitchen.”
Crashing into a home in the middle of the night like a straight-up boss? Who the heck do you think you are, bub — — socialist Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez!?
“I decided I wasn’t staying there, so I went back to my bedroom and closed the door and called the police,” Wischhusen continued. “I was hyperventilating a little, so what I did was I went on the computer and played games to settle down.”
Yeah, no offense, but playing video games while an alligator thrashes about in your kitchen is kind of crazy too. Like noted earlier, Florida is a wild and crazy place, mayne.
Listen to her full statement below:
Gator breaks into home
GATOR BREAK-IN: A Clearwater woman is telling us about the alligator that broke into her home overnight.
DETAILS: http://bit.ly/2wrN7We
Posted by FOX 13 News – Tampa Bay on Friday, May 31, 2019
“I think after all these years, if you’ve been a nurse this long, you’ve seen everything. He was just added to the book that I need to write,” she added, explaining her casual attitude toward what happened.
The alligator was reportedly apprehended by the authorities with minimal injuries.
You can watch some of the apprehension below:
Don’t worry. The red stuff wasn’t blood!
“The alligator did suffer minor cuts to a shoulder but the majority of the red liquid on the floor in the photos was wine” a city spokesman confirmed with WTVT.
“I don’t know why he wanted my red wine, but he got my red wine,” Wischhusen said.
He’s probably an alcoholic. Apparently, he really DOES think he’s AOC!
The good news is that most of the craziness in Florida doesn’t involve any actual harm coming to anybody, save for, you know, some lost merchandise, some broken wine bottles, etc.
But sometimes, the craziness in Florida does lead to tangible pain. According to St. Petersburg station WTSP, a woman in her 20s lost her life last Sunday when her partner accidentally discharged a firearm during their so-called “foreplay.”
“Hillsborough County Sheriff’s deputies said Andrew Shinault, 23, and a woman in her 20s were using a registered handgun for foreplay Sunday when it went off and shot the woman in the upper body,” the station reported.
“Deputies said the woman was taken to the hospital, where she later died. Investigators said they believed it was an accident. Shinault was charged for manslaughter with a weapon Friday. He is being held on a $50,000 bond.”
That was a dumb, needless death. Remember, guns aren’t toys, let alone sex toys! By the same token, guns also aren’t innately bad. Florida’s crazy liberals think otherwise.
Case in point: A First Coast Technical College student was indefinitely suspended right before her graduation because of a photo she’d posted to Facebook that showed her wielding a handgun … while at a shooting range.
Look:
“I can’t get a job and I have a baby I have to support.” A local mom says she was indefinitely suspended from First Coast Technical College over this photo. Watch the full story at 5:30 on CBS47 @ActionNewsJax & let me know if you think the school was right or wrong. pic.twitter.com/raqe5a5NuO
— Jenna Bourne (@jennaANjax) May 23, 2019
Now that’s crazy. Actually, no …
Twerking while shoplifting is silly crazy.
An alligator bursting into your home at night is scary crazy.
A woman losing her life over firearm foreplay is stupid crazy.
But suspending a student for using a gun at a shooting range? That’s CRAZY CRAZY!
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V. Saxena is a staff writer for BizPac Review with a decade of experience as a professional writer, and a lifetime of experience as an avid news junkie. He holds a degree in computer technology from Purdue University.
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