The unbearable ‘hotness’ of Ted Cruz’s new beard makes leftist Slate writer swoon

Senator Ted Cruz grew a beard and almost broke the Internet. Liberals are panting over the Texas Republican, saying his hipster facial hair has suddenly rendered him irresistibly hot. And despite their best efforts, they just can’t quit him.

“I have no particular fondness for this subject and it brings me no pleasure to cover it. But as a truth-seeking journalist, I feel I must write what follows: Sen. Ted Cruz’s new beard looks great,” the Slate’s Christina Cauterucci cooed.

The column offered Cauterucci’s thoughts on “the unwelcome semi-hotness of the Texas senator’s facial hair.”

ted cruz beard
Liberals are going crazy for Senator Ted Cruz’s beard.

Cauterucci — who despises Cruz, as other liberals do — noticed that Cruz had grown a wispy beard over Thanksgiving. At first, she was underwhelmed by the “shadowy, patchy mess,” but had an epiphany last week:

“That all changed…when Cruz showed up in the Senate with a filled-out salt-and-pepper beard, giving his face a defined jawline and its first-ever hints of ruggedness and affability.

The bloated, downy visage of a college debate team showoff is gone. A marginally less insufferable mug has arrived.”

A bipartisan consensus of Twitter users are gushing that Senator Cruz has morphed into a bona fide hottie.

“Now he’s quite beautiful.”

“I know it’s very emotionally confusing, but I for one accept the new, hotter Ted Cruz.”

“Sorry, haters, but I won’t be intimidated into silence: Ted Cruz’s beard looks fine.”

One anti-bearder launched a countdown calendar until Cruz becomes clean-shaven again.

Cruz’s beard is so famous it now has its own Twitter account.

Ted knows he looks good. Check out this confident smile.

CRTV anchor Eric Bolling got to the bottom of the “beard controversy” by asking Cruz about it directly. Cruz said he grew it out on a whim over Thanksgiving.

“I haven’t grown a beard since law school,” Cruz laughed. “I’m just having some fun. If nothing else, it’ll drive the Twitter trolls crazy.”

Senator Cruz is often mocked on social media, especially over his appearance. But the Harvard Law School graduate always has a great sense of humor about the endless ribbing.

In November 2018, Ted Cruz hilariously clapped back at comedian Jim Carrey after the liberal comedian mocked him as a blood-sucking “vampire.”

The feud erupted after Carrey — a self-proclaimed socialist millionaire who lives in California — urged his followers to vote for Cruz’s Democrat opponent, Robert Francis O’Rourke — a white man who promotes himself politically as “Beto” O’Rourke.

The “Dumb and Dumber” star’s tweet was accompanied by a cartoon of O’Rourke opening a window curtain as Cruz melts in the sunlight.

Ted Cruz cleverly responded by noting that the joke’s on Jim because vampires are dead, and everyone knows that the dead vote Democrat.

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