Vanity Fair writer Kenzie Bryant is taking Trump Derangement Syndrome to a whole other place with her strange obsession with the president’s pant legs.
In an article titled, “What Is Going on with Trump’s Pant Legs?,” Bryant displays “an unhealthy overdose of very weird obsession,” as aptly described by Newsbusters’ P.J. Gladnick, who comments on the liberal’s fascination with Trump’s fashion choices.
Tiffany Trump joins the President and the First Lady for church on Easter Sunday pic.twitter.com/Yi58D1EuRg
— Charlie Spiering (@charliespiering) April 1, 2018
Bryant takes note of a photo of the president standing between daughter Tiffany and first lady Melania Trump at last week’s Easter service in Palm Beach, making a snide remark about Trump not knowing his own daughter before acknowledging that this wasn’t the most “compelling part.”
“The really compelling part is that his pant legs are enormous,” she writes. “They’re each roughly the circumference of a healthy toddler’s head. They could fit comfortably around The Rock’s thighs—an image no one wanted to consider, but in the name of this investigation, we must.”
And investigate she did, giving readers a taste of what must be going on behind the scenes of the Robert Mueller investigation.
“The angle of the photo makes it even more dramatic,” she continues, “with the grass hiding the president’s feet, shortening his overall frame and terminating his body at a wide point. Even so, those hems do not lie.”
Never mind that a casual look at the photo appears to show a breeze blowing hard enough to lift Trump’s jacket away from his frame, pressing his pant legs against his legs instead of allowing them to hang naturally.
Bryant acts as if “the future of the republic depends on solving this presidential pant legs mystery,” Gladnick writes.
And that’s not much of an exaggeration as Bryant expands on the conspiratorial aspects of Trump’s pants:
“One may be able to distill an entire worldview from a self-professed billionaire’s choice to forego tailoring an expensive suit, but I’m wondering if there’s something far more nefarious afoot — something that, if proven, could impact the course of this American experiment forever: are the president’s pant legs getting wider?”
An “in-depth image search” produces “inconclusive, but curious” photos of Trump at different times, to include one from as far back as 2003, to prove Bryant’s theory that his pant legs are getting wider.
She goes on to suggest every time the president “knows there’s going to be a photo op, he pulls out the big boys.”
Of course, every day the president emerges from his private residence in the White House the possibility of a “photo op” exists.
Not to leave her readers hanging, Bryant offers a couple of theories on his preference for big and baggy, as she decided to be the case.
One is that he’s shrinking. It’s less a theory than an inevitable fact of being over 70. Bone density just isn’t what it used to be, and the pants are just meant for longer legs. So why wouldn’t he buy a new suit? He’s a rich man who likes nice things and is the president of the United States. It would be easy.
That leaves only one possibly: President Trump is signaling to the American people that he is Judging None and Choosing One. He’s subliminally provoking a JNCO mania in the hinterlands. The tool of this change agent? The slow widening his suit legs ever outward.
JNCO is a L.A.-based company known for its “ludicrously large pants” that went out of business in February “after a failed attempt to revitalize its 90s heyday,” she notes.
In the end, it’s not so remarkable that President Trump is critiqued to such detailed levels when you consider an entire cable news network, CNN, has all but dedicated its entire coverage to destroying this president.
Either way, the sad episode drew the attention of conservative actor James Woods.
#FakeNews plummets to its absolute nadir, we get “pant legs” editorials from a writer who’s presumably an expert in the area…” he tweeted.
— James Woods (@RealJamesWoods) April 5, 2018