What really went on at the Playboy mansion? Now a mom, former Playmate reveals disturbing secrets…

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Former Playboy bunny and Hugh Hefner’s live-in girlfriend Holly Madison said that life at the Playboy Mansion wasn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.

Madison, who is now a successful author as well as a happily-married wife and mother, revealed all in her book, “Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales from a Former Playboy Bunny.”

“It was a constant struggle,” Madison said of her seven years living at the Playboy Mansion, according to People magazine. “I was trying to sell this image of ‘Oh everything is so great here,’ but I was miserable inside.”

To hear Madison tell it, living at the Mansion was more like life in North Korea than the land of the free.

“The Mansion is all about conformity and judgment and following the rules,” Madison said. Her book “The Vegas Diaries,” tells of her life after Playboy.

And she was also dealing with strong insecurities at that time in her life.

“There was so much competition among the other women. I learned not to confide in certain people. There was a lot of fear. If I could go back and do things differently, I wouldn’t be scared of people,” she said. “And I’d push the boundaries a lot more. The number of times I stuck up for myself at the Mansion I could probably count on one hand.”

As for the legendary sexual romps at the Mansion, she claimed that fake sex with other women was better than the real thing with Hefner.

“It was so brief that I can’t even recall what it felt like beyond having a heavy body on top of mine,” Madison wrote.

Madison, 36, is now happily married to Pasquale Rotella, who owns an events company, and has a daughter Rainbow, three, and is expecting a son. Despite the pain of those three years, she doesn’t have any regrets.

“It’s a part of my life,” she said. “I can’t look back and wipe it away. It happened and I learned from it. [Now], I’m not trying to fit the mold of what anybody else thinks I should be. And I’m not running away from my past anymore.”

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Clip via People magazine.

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