By Blake Neff

The so-called “White Student Union” created at the University of California, Santa Barbara has released a list of demands parodying the aggressive demands made by Black Lives Matter activists around the country.

Although it identifies itself with UCSB, the school’s White Student Union currently only exists as a Facebook page, and is not a school-recognized organization. In fact, it’s not even certain the group was created by a current UCSB student, or that it’s a genuine “group” rather than the work of one person.

Despite its lack of any official (or even physical) presence, on Tuesday night the group released a list of demands for UCSB administrators, which appear to serve as a humorous parody of the demands made by black activists at the University of Missouri, Princeton University, and elsewhere.

“We, students of Europe@n descent at UCSB, refuse to accept the negative social climate created towards our peers of Europe@n descent and other marginalized groups,” the demands open. “We have begun this movement, UCSB White Student Union, in an effort to change the status quo for a more just and inclusive environment within our campus.”

The use of the “Europe@n” label appears to be mocking the “Latin@” label preferred by some Hispanic activists who want to avoid the gendered nature of using “Latino” or “Latina.”

Other demands from the list include:

-Creating four “white-student only rooms” to serve as safe-space housing for “Europe@n” students. The new safe space is to be dubbed the “Hernan Cortes housing commons.”

-Creating a resource center for white students, complete with safe space, dubbed the “Napoleon Bonaparte Resource Center.”

-Hiring two admissions staff members of “non self-hating Europe@n descent” who will oversee an effort to recruit more white students to attend UCSB. This recruitment effort will have the remarkably precise budget of $300,371.

-Equipping campus police to patrol campus and punish those who use offensive phrases such as “OMG, you are so white,” “Wow, I bet you get sunburned really easily!,” “Don’t eat this; it’s too spicy for you,” and  “Surrendering like a Frenchman!”

-A ban (under penalty of expulsion) on all of the following party themes which “trigger white identities”:

Charlie Sheen Theme; a France Theme; a Britain Theme; a St. Patrick’s Day Theme; an Irish Theme; a Scotland Theme; a Spain Theme; an Andorra Theme; a Switzerland Theme; a Swiss Theme; a Belgium Theme; a German Theme; an Austria Theme; an Italy Theme; a ‘King and Queen’ Theme; a Catholics vs. Protestants Theme; a George Washington Theme; a Colonial Theme; a Pirate Theme; a Denmark Theme; a Finland Theme; an Iceland Theme; a Portugal Theme; an Oktoberfest Theme; a Ukraine Theme; a Belarus Theme; a Hungary Theme; a Slovakia Theme; a Czech Republic Theme; a Norway Theme; a Croatia Theme; a Bulgaria Theme; a Russia Theme; a Serbia Theme; a Greece Theme; a Netherlands Theme; a Luxembourg Theme; an Albania Theme (especially as relates to the movie ‘Taken’); and so forth.

-The creation of mandatory White Cultural Competency Training to train students and staff not to accidentally offend white students.

-A written apology form UCSB’s faculty and staff for not doing enough to create a “safe space” for whites on campus.

WSU demands that UCSB meet its demands by the second week of the winter school term, or else “we will organize and respond by respectfully complaining.”

Despite the clearly satirical tone the group has generally been taking, some UCSB students aren’t laughing.

“‘White’ heritage is racism,” student Trina Lazzara told the Santa Barbara Independent. “The concept of ‘whiteness’ was created by and for self-proclaimed ‘white’ people for the sole purpose of enslaving, oppressing, killing, and excluding people of color in America and elsewhere. If you disagree, read a few history books.”

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