Late-night comedians had a field day with the NFL’s long-awaited “Deflate-gate” report.
The report concluded that it is “more probable than not” that the New England Patriots’ star quarterback, Tom Brady, was “at least generally aware” of the plan to deflate footballs used in the AFC Championship game against the Indianapolis Colts, USA Today reported.
Outgoing “Late Show” host David Letterman came out of the gate with one of the best jokes of the night.
“There apparently are incriminating texts and emails about what they call Deflate-gate,” he said. “Earlier today, Hillary announced that she would be happy to delete them.”
The Patriots should’ve contacted her before the investigation, Dave.
ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel played a clip of Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski rambling nonsensically about the scandal, suggesting the player may be cut out for a whole different job once his football career is over.
“It makes no sense in any way, but he’s the best,” Kimmel said of Gronkowski’s video. “Once he’s done with football, I can see him as, maybe, like a White House press secretary.”
Considering who holds the job now, that might be an improvement.
“The Daily Show’s” Jon Stewart called the Patriots’ quarterback on the carpet.
“Tommy, you cheating f–k,” Stewart said. “Why, you’ve got four Super Bowl rings. You’re married to the biggest supermodel in the world. Your face, your beautiful face, is a wonder of symmetry, a plutonic ideal of beauty that can survive even the stupidest of haircuts.”
Stewart said Brady should have taken a cue from basketball legend Michael Jordan.
“Great ones don’t need to cheat. Did Michael Jordan cheat to get his six championships? No,” Stewart said. “In fact, Michael Jordan decided to play a sport he sucked at [baseball] just to give other people the chance to win a championship.”
Stewart did admit his mockery may have something to do with which team Brady plays on.
“If you think I wouldn’t chastise you if you had committed these acts while in my team — the New York Giants — uniform, if you think I wouldn’t chastise you for that, that would be correct,” he said.
“Tonight Show” host Jimmy Fallon targeted the report itself.
“Yesterday, the NFL released a 243-page report on the Deflate-gate scandal. They said the chance that Tom Brady knew the balls were tampered with was ‘more probable than not,’” Fallon said. “Who did this investigation, a Magic 8 Ball?”
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