A New Jersey man is coming under heavy criticism for not letting his wife be the stay-at-home-mom she wants to be because he’s “terrified she’ll lose her drive.”
“Yes, being a stay-at-home mom has many benefits for the entire family,” Sean Dunbar, 32, wrote in a USA Today column on Monday.
“But I want better for my wife.”
Dunbar, said he’s not jealous of the idea of his wife being able to stay home and that his family doesn’t need the extra income. He says he’s insisting she keeps working outside the home for her own well-being.
Dunbar witnessed his wife blossom into a glowing, confident and happy woman as she successfully finished college with a 3.5 GPA all while taking care of 1-year-old child and working a full-time job, according to his column.
I watched what that struggle made my wife. She holds her head high and tells people how hard she worked for her diploma. After college, we both started new careers.
After his wife became pregnant with their second child, Dunbar said things changed in her professional world. She no longer was taken seriously, according to Dunbar, and she began to want to stay at home.
Dunbar’s candid column was discussed on Fox News’ “Outnumbered” with mixed reviews.
“Sounds like he’s not quite sure where he ends and his wife begins,” Dr. Keith Ablow said.
Dunbar grappled with how having a stay-at-home mom might negatively affect his daughter.
More so, I think about our daughter. I don’t want her seeing mommy at home, thinking she needs to do the same because that’s what she grew up seeing.
I lay in our daughter’s bed at night, talking to her and listening to her dreams about going to Mars or being the first female president.
We don’t talk about her dreams of becoming a trophy wife or stay-at-home mom.
At the heart of Dunbar’s piece is this telling comment.
The happiest times I have seen my wife (besides with the kids) is when she has achieved professionally. I don’t want her to look back and say, “I could have done ‘this’ with my degree.”
Andrea Tantaros weighed in, “It sounds like his motives are completely altruistic … but you dig a little deeper… she says she’s not happy. She wants to be at home with the kids.”
Dr. Ablow agreed, stating being a stay-at-home mom “is not for life,” and argued that while all women don’t have to be stay-at-home moms, they should try and do what their heart tells them to do.
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