‘Stock up on condoms,’ drowning kids, coked-up monkeys: Campaigns want your attention in crazy final ads

If American voters haven’t been paying attention before now, it’s going to take something shocking, funny, or downright weird to get their attention.

That seems to be the reasoning behind some of the latest campaign ads to air in the few days remaining before the midterm elections next week.

Politicians of every stripe are resorting to unusual images or gimmicks to grab voter attention and convince undecided voters to head out to the polls on Tuesday.

One radio ad placed by left-leaning pro-choice organization NARAL implies that a vote for Republican Cory Gardner in his race against incumbent Democrat Colorado Senator Mark Udall is a vote for … condom shortages.

Their reasoning, if you can call it that, is that since Gardner wants to ban every form of birth control known to humanity, demand for condoms will go through the roof.

From a liberal, that’s actually a pretty sophisticated economic argument. There’s only one problem with it: Gardner has no interest in banning birth control, and in fact has proposed making the pill available over the counter.

Far be it from liberals to let a few pesky facts get in the way of a compelling narrative.

You can listen to the radio spot, which contains the only documented use since 1957 of “sweet pea” as a term of endearment, here:

While there’s nothing like a good turn of phrase to catch a radio listener’s ear – “weirding our weather,” for example –

Wait, haven’t we been told by liberals over and over again that climate change and weather are two completely different things? Oh, never mind.

– there’s nothing like a shocking television image to really grab the attention of the undecided voter.

Take, for example, the drowning child commercial.

As a young boy thrashes underwater, the screen reads, “When kids in failing schools begged Jerry Brown for rescue, HE BETRAYED THEM.”

Never fear; California Republican gubernatorial candidate Neel Kashkari is here.

“I don’t think the ad goes far enough,” Kashkari told Fox News.

If you say so.

Too morbid? Okay, then how about a commercial featuring the head of Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell edited onto the body of action star Jean-Claude Van Damme:

Coming soon: “The Expendables 4: Harry Reid’s Revenge.”

Arguably the most bizarre campaign ad this season, however, is this 131-second long spot (who makes a 131-second long commercial?) featuring Nevada independent candidate Kamau Bakari and rancher Clive Bundy, looking to squeeze out his sixteenth minute of fame.

See if you can watch Bundy say, “I know black folks have had a hard time with … uh … slavery” and not wince.

Perhaps the most fun commercial is this one, featuring a woman talking about drugs with a monkey on her back – literally.

This spot, featuring the claim that Washington bureaucrats spent $820,000 to study “how monkeys respond to unfairness and how they act while on cocaine,” may be the most funny because it’s true.

Worried about unfairness? Using cocaine?

There’s a Biden family joke in here somewhere, but don’t say anything.

If Joe runs for president in 2016, you can be sure that someone will want to use it in a commercial.

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