Being a lousy, vicious low-life excuse for a human being isn’t a crime.

Just ask the Ohio cops who’ve ID’d five disgusting punks who dumped a bucket filled with urine and feces on an autistic boy’s head pretending it was part of the Ice Bucket Challenge. The five – all boys who will likely never be real men – are still running free, since cops don’t know yet how to charge them.

The sick “joke,” recorded over the summer with the victim’s own camera phone and posted on the Internet, showed the 15-year-old boy in a driveway wearing only his underwear while a bucket of filth – including body waste and cigarette butts – is poured on his head in a disgusting parody of the fundraiser for Lou Gehrig’s disease research.

The vicious punks involved in the case are all between 14 and 17 years old, the Cleveland Plain Dealer reported. It’s unclear whether they’re going to be arrested at all. In an email posted by Buzzfeed, Bay Village Police Chief Mark Spaetzel said he couldn’t guess what charges could be brought in the case.

“We have identified five individuals as being involved, however the investigation is not yet complete. We can’t speculate on potential charges as the investigation is not yet complete, but ultimately it will be up to the Cuyahoga County Prosecutor’s Office to determine appropriate charges. We are conducting a comprehensive investigation and when completed, will sit down with them provide them the facts.”

(Leave aside the legalities for just one second. Maybe being human filth isn’t a crime by itself, and maybe it shouldn’t be, but the case is enough to make you wish for the prom scene in “Carrie.”)

Meanwhile, $30,000 in reward money offered by three celebrities to catch the bastards is going unused for the moment.

That money is the reason the case drew national attention in the first place, when “The Price is Right” host and comedian Drew Carey, a Cleveland native, announced he would put up $10,000 to catch these louses.

Carey was followed by Jenny McCarthy, former “The View” hostess and mother of an autistic son, and her husband, “Blue Blood” star Donnie Wahlberg. They offered to donate $10,000 each.

“Regarding the celebrities offering rewards to help find who committed this terrible act, reward money is not necessary as we have identified the participants,” Spaetzel wrote in an email, according to the Plain Dealer.  “However, we are grateful for their offers.”

Meanwhile, talk show host Montel Williams offered to kick in an unspecified amount of money, but said it was more important to actually make human contact with the kids at Bay High School.

“I’d rather speak at the school and tell these kids why this isn’t how we behave,” he wrote in a Facebook post. “Better yet I’ll talk to the parents …

“Teach your children well. Quite frankly, the parents of the kids who did this out to go to jail too.”

Well that’s as may be: $30,000 isn’t going to buy anyone new parents.

Or a new conscience.

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Joe Saunders

Joe Saunders, a 25-year newspaper veteran, is a staff writer and editor for BizPac Review who lives in Tallahassee and covers capital and Florida politics. Email Joe at [email protected].

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