Opinion

Female officers feeling biq squeeze in Big Apple

Reno 911
Photo Credit: OV Guide

There’s a big squeeze in the Big Apple as female court officers are being forced to wear bulletproof vests designed without their breasts in mind.

The New York Office of Court Administration enacted a new rule in March requiring all state court officers to wear bulletproof vests, the New York Post reported.

But the boobie-binding vests ordered by the state were the cheaper, “unstructured” type instead of the comfy, yet more expensive, “contoured” type designed for those with bodacious bosoms.

Court administrators are now juggling the numerous complaints coming in with the safety of their employees and are considering suspending the new rule, the article said.

Women are utterly miserable wearing the new vests.

“I feel crushed in this — I can’t breathe!” one female court officer said.

“If I get shot in the leg, I swear I’m going to take this vest off and use it to beat the crap out of the guy who shot me,” she told the paper.

“They measured us, they got our breast sizes, and then they give us vests designed for flat boobs!” another female officer said.

But, it’s not just well-endowed women feeling squeezed.

A male source told the Post, “I joke that it hurts my man boobs, so I don’t wear it.”

“The big picture here is that the OCA . . . felt it was crucial to provide each court officer with bulletproof vests that give the officers the maximum safety and security while they perform their duties,” agency spokesman David Bookstaver told the Post.

Yes, because the metal-detectors leading into the courthouse may miss a big bazooka or three being carried in, I suppose.

According to the article, 2,500 vests were ordered from well-known Florida vest manufacturer Safariland Group at $600 each, or $1.5 million.

Is New York so strapped for cash they couldn’t have spent just a pinch more on making the girls comfortable?

More from the New York Post.

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