By Rick Steeby

A lot of my liberal friends (and yes I do have several) wonder how someone who can seem fairly intelligent on one hand can listen to Jeff Foxworthy on the other.  Well I just may be a redneck!  I say that with a little bit of pride because I know very few rednecks who dislike this country or that are looking for a government handout beyond allowing hunting on the local military base.  Most take pride in getting by with their wits and what they bring in on their own.

Also, I have seen some pretty darn smart rednecks.  If Dolly Parton ever made a bad business deal, I haven’t heard about it yet. Well, the redneck jokes got me thinking… how can you tell if you are a closet conservative? This isn’t intended to be funny, but after you think about it, might be that you never knew you were a conservative.

#1           If anyone sings the star spangled banner, other than Rosanne Barr and in English, it makes you feel proud and gives you a little chill? Well you may be a closet conservative. 

#2           Do you stop and put your hand on your heart when the American Flag passes by? Well you may be a closet conservative.  

#3           Do you believe that you know better how to spend the money you earn than the government does? Well you may be a closet conservative.  

#4           If you cannot think of any government agency that is run better than Wal-Mart… well you may be a closet conservative.  

#5           If buying oil from foreigners when we have oil and gas in this country we are not using doesn’t entirely make sense to you… well you may be a closet conservative.  

#6           If having a National Park the size of Oklahoma that is visited by fewer people (ever) than saw the last Michael Moore movie seems like a waste of government money…  well you may be a closet conservative.

#7           If making gas from food  while using as much energy to produce it as it makes seems downright stupid, and it forces up the cost of food while using your tax dollars to support it, you guessed it…  you may be a closet conservative.

#8           If protecting a rat’s right of existence seems less important to you than building a new power plant to lower energy costs, well… you may be a closet conservative.  

#9           If you feel that picking out charities to support, without giving money to groups like Acorn, is better left for you to decide and not the government giving away your taxes to support who they want, well… you may be a closet conservative.  

#10         If you feel that breaking the law is illegal and that breaking into this country is breaking the law and therefore those people should be called illegal aliens, well… you may be a closet conservative.  

#11         If you think that anyone who ever owned a slave should be required to pay restitution to anyone who was a slave, and everyone else should get over it, well… you may be a closet conservative.  

#12         You believe that good and bad things happen to good and bad people due to things beyond anyone’s control and that you feel no obligation to help those good or bad that make no effort to help themselves, well… you may be a closet conservative. 

#13         When you help someone who needs it and you choose not to tell everyone what a good person you are, well… you may be a closet conservative.       

#14         If you feel that military service is an honorable profession and if you served and felt honored to do so, well… you may be a closet conservative.  

#15         If you grew up believing that a family was a mom a dad and children (an optional blessing), well… you may be a closet conservative.  

#16         If you think that people have the right to live as they see fit without the government intruding so long as it is not against the law, well… you may be a closet conservative.  

#17         On the other hand, if you feel that people who wish to live however they like in the privacy of their own home should not insist that the government mandate that you change #15 to include a dad and a dad or two moms, well… you may be a closet conservative.  

#18         If you borrow money and agree to pay it back with interest and the value of your home goes down and you still make the payments, well… you may be a closet conservative.    (After all if the value had gone up you didn’t intend to share the windfall with the bank did you?)

#19         You believe that if you work really hard and make $250,000 this year that you should get to keep it rather than giving it to someone who got laid off at the auto plant and decided to take the year off and collect unemployment insurance, well… you may be a closet conservative.  

#20         If you feel that everyone has the right to free speech including  Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, and Mark Lavin, even if you don’t agree with them, well… you may be a closet conservative.  

I could go on about many of the things we take for granted as closet conservatives but you get the drift.  I don’t feel the urge to have a million man march and I don’t need to feel compelled to have someone fired because they said something that offended me or hurt my feelings.  In fact, I give thanks every day that I live in a country where my neighbor has an absolute right to say something that may offend me because I have an absolute right to say how I feel in my little blog for now.  If too many of us stay in this closet that may change.

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Tom Tillison

Senior Staff Writer
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The longest-tenured writer at BizPac Review, Tom grew up in Maryland before moving to Central Florida as a young teen. It is in the Sunshine State that he honed both his passion for politics and his writing skills.

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